By Jennifer Huget
Special to The Washington Post | Tuesday, December 18, 2007; HE06
3. Set the tone: Belinda Rachman, a lawyer in Carlsbad, Calif., and principal of Divorce in a Day Mediation, says the parties should try to “keep the drama down, be rational and get through this as peacefully as possible.” She suggests starting with a conversation like this: “Our marriage isn’t working; I’m sorry, and it’s sad. But we have kids and a job to do together for the next 10 or so years, and we have to make it comfortable for the children.”
Marriages follow the ups and downs of the economy
during tough economic times, couples find that
financial problems can affect their marriage.
By Marilyn Gardner | Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor
from the November 17, 2008 edition
Instead of letting the financial stress rip a family apart, couples can experience it as an opportunity to pull together, says Belinda Rachman, a divorce attorney in Carlsbad, Calif.
Coontz takes the long view. “One of the things that can come out of this experience, difficult though it is, is a renewed understanding that our own individual fortunes as a family or a marriage are really not separable from those of other families,” she says. “If you have compassion for other people and gratitude toward other people, you are also more likely to have that toward your own family members.”
The time has come, you think. No point in putting off the inevitable. Your marriage just isn’t going to work out, so time to file for divorce right? Not so fast says Susan Carlisle a Woodland Hills, CA, CPA. A divorce is a business deal that revolves strictly around numbers. Before you split from your spouse, you need to re-evaluate your financial situation in order to guarantee a successful financial future. Try to find an outlet for your emotions during this time so you can focus solely on establishing your assets, figuring out your finances and building your credit. Use these five tips from divorce experts to help guide you along your way to financial freedom.
Feb. 28, 2008 (WebMD)
Forty-one-year-old single mother and journalist Lori Gottlieb has written candidly of spurning “good enough” men in search of the perfect romantic mate. But in her provocative new essay for the Atlantic, Gottlieb advises singles – especially women – to consider settling when it comes to a love relationship, arguing it will likely lead to long-term happiness.
Just because you can get a no-fault divorce in many states doesn’t mean you are safe from accusations of marital misconduct that has a negative economic impact upon the spouse that’s the victim of the bad behavior, according to the National Legal Research Group.
Marital misconduct by legal definition is behavior that happens before the marriage ended. It destabilizes the marriage and causes the victim spouse a significant physical, emotional or financial burden. Among the actions that can be considered as marital misconduct: infidelity, alcohol or drug abuse, gambling, acting out against the victim by causing significant damage or harm, murder or attempted murder and any other criminal conduct.
This will probably surprise you but divorce is NOT a legal issue, it is a personal issue and most people should get a divorce with little or no lawyer involvement. If you want to have the smoothest divorce possible the solution is to resolve your problems outside of court.
The divorce process is so complicated most people just don’t want to deal with it on their own. Traditionally the process of getting a divorce has involved hiring lawyers, going to court and letting a judge or the lawyers decide and/or negotiate the outcome. The couple plays the most passive role in the legal drama. Because the decisions are coming from above instead of the couple themselves fashioning a result, it is often difficult for the couple to comfortably live with the final outcome.
You Don’t Have To Be “Enlightened” To Have A Peaceful Divorce
By Belinda Rachman, Esq
A relationship CAN be ended without lawyers, court or fighting!
An experienced family law attorney encourages those seeking divorce to focus on their better instincts instead of feeding the beast. That beast can be your own rage or the adversarial system itself. How often does a divorce lawyer warn you to avoid divorce lawyers?
The end of a marriage is usually accompanied by extreme emotions that too often result in terrible mistakes being made that end up hurting the couple and the children. You don’t have to be Gandhi, Buddha or any other kind of evolved spirit to have a “Peaceful Divorce,” but you do need to have the intention to do so.
By Belinda Etezad Rachman, Esq.,
Ask most people what it is like to go through a divorce and chances are you will hear a litany of horror stories about high legal costs, unfair results in court and lawyers who don’t care enough about their own clients to return phone calls. Splitting up a family and the assets that have been accumulated during a marriage is probably one of the most emotional transitions a person can go through. Being encouraged by legal counsel to litigate instead of being reasonable only exacerbates the bad feelings between a couple. Because of the high cost of legal assistance, it is more important than ever to make sure your lawyer has your best interests at heart and is not taking unnecessary steps so that they can profit by billing more hours to your account. If there are children involved it is crucial that the parents walk away from divorce court with the ability to co-parent, something that is hard to do after a long, bloody adversarial process. Finding a lawyer who takes pride in resolving a family law matter as quickly, inexpensively and with as little blood shed as possible is unusual.
Author: Belinda Rachman, Esq.
You open up the phone book and are faced with so many ads for divorce lawyers you have no idea who to call. Divorce is scary because you have heard so many stories from your friends about how nasty and expensive their own divorce was. Or maybe you saw your own parents as they waited for their lawyers to return their call, and waited and waited. Every month they would get a bill for each phone call, letter or court appearance and at the end they hated their lawyer so much that it scares you now. All of these are typical responses. You have enough self preservation instinct to be wary of divorce lawyers. Everything you have seen, heard and experienced is true.
Question: Which is Right for You, Mediation or a Divorce Lawyer?
From: Belinda Rachman, Esq.
The choice of which divorce lawyer to hire is overwhelming. The sheer number of divorce lawyers in the phone book makes your head spin. You have heard the horror stories from your friends about how horrid and expensive their divorce was and you want to avoid that pain but which way should you turn? This is a very natural response to what you have heard and seen. You have enough sense to know divorce lawyers are not your friends so you need to choose carefully. Your future and that of your children depend on how you proceed.
Q. This sounds like a weird question coming from a divorced 44-year-old mother of two. But how do you know when you’re in love? I married my college sweetheart because that’s what you were supposed to do. But I never felt like my ex was my soul mate. I’m not even sure what that means. I’m dating a really sweet guy. We’re compatible — he likes my kids, the sex is okay but still no stars. Is wanting it all an unreasonable expectation? — Diane
Diane’s Answer, and more
Cozy dinners in a candlelit corner, long walks under the twinkling stars and dream vacations at exotic places are some of the cherished memories you and your spouse shared as a couple. Unfortunately, those idyllic moments seem to have ended abruptly when baby made three or four or five. Once you’re a family, finding quiet time for the two of you can be a thing of the past. In fact, sometimes you wonder if there really was a B.K.-before kids.
A Newsweek article reported more couples divorce in the year after the arrival of their first child than any other time, other than the first year of marriage. So what challenges can cause such strife and what can couples do to keep a relationship going?